


Too Late

by thedevilsenbychild



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Closeted Dean Winchester, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Proud Dean Winchester, dean Winchester x original male characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 13:42:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17468678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevilsenbychild/pseuds/thedevilsenbychild
Summary: Dean kept all his feelings hidden, until was too late.





	Too Late

Day after say, year after year, he said nothing of his affection. Settling for stolen glances and accidental brushes of their knuckles that made his pulse race. “No chick-flick moments,” he would always tell himself. “I can’t let this get the better of me.” And he didn’t, he never let his feelings show, never let the butterflies in his stomach escape, and never said a word. There was no way that he was going to break down the massive wall holding all his emotions at bay for the off chance that they might be reciprocated. 

So Dean said nothing. For ten years he said nothing, perfectly content to preserve their friendship by burying every urge he had to move beyond. The first few years were hard, he had to fight against everything his father had taught him. He had to fight against every aspect of himself that screamed that this was wrong, that what he was feeling was wrong. It took years, but eventually he acknowledged the beauty in what he was feeling, regardless of who it was for. But even though he was proud, he didn’t tell Sam and he certainly didn’t tell Cas. He had no way explain that his feelings were for a man, much less his best friend. So he remained silent, and nothing changed between them. 

Dean would flirt with guys in bars when he was sure Sam or Cas wouldn’t find out. He would stumble outside, pulling a man behind him and they would kiss in the alley behind the bar, but he never took it farther than that. And even though it felt so right, it was nowhere near what he felt when he was close to Cas. So Dean never went past kissing, and after a couple minutes he would stagger back inside the bar before returning to their motel room alone. No one ever found out, and he planned to keep it that way. This worked for Dean, for years he was able to drown his feelings with men, women, and alcohol. 

But when Cas died, when Dean’s world was turned on its head, he couldn’t take it anymore. He watched as the tip of an angle blade pushed through Castiel’s chest, as light emerged from his mouth and eyes, and he watched in complete and utter shock as Cas collapsed the ground. Dean immediately rushed to his side and and tried to find a pulse. When he felt no sign of a beating heart against the tips of his fingers, Dean screamed. He screamed in agony and clutched Castiel’s limp body to his chest. “No, no no,” he whispered. “Don’t do this to me, please.” 

Dean felt tears streaming down his face but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He had lost the ability to focus on anything other than Cas, he cared about nothing except for the body that he was desperately clinging to. Dean pressed his forehead against Castiel’s. “Please, don’t be gone. Please, I—.” He sighed. “I love you, Cas. I love you, I love you, I love you.” Dean’s wall crumbled to dust then, and every feeling that had been held at bay washed over him. Everything that he had wanted to tell Cas came tumbling out of his mouth. Dean couldn’t stop talking, and, to his surprise, he found that didn’t want to. 

He sat there for what felt like hours, telling the cold body cradled in his arms all the things he was too late to say to Cas. Dean jumped as he felt a hand rest on his back, and tore his eyes away from Cas’ body to meet Sam’s. Fresh tears poured from his eyes but he made no move to wipe them away. “I loved him, Sam,” he whispered. “I loved him, and I never told him.” Sam nodded and pulled Dean into a hug.

“I know you did. And I think Cas knew too.”

“Do you think he loved me?” Dean asked, his voice breaking.

“I know he did.”


End file.
